These last few weeks have been wild.
Where to begin..
Part 1 – Corona
I’m starting with the most recent because that is today’s news. We (humanity) are in the midst of the great battle of our time. Unlike the world wars, we are not being asked to go to the battlefield. The majority of us our being asked to just stay home. That’s how we do our part. If we are high risk, we are being asked to not get sick for the sake of room in the hospital. If you are “healthy” you are being asked to not get the “at risk” sick. I say “healthy” but what does that even mean. If you sit down and talk to someone for a bit about anything that is hurt, wrong, or broken in them, I’m convinced a “healthy” person doesn’t truly exist. We all have “underlying health conditions”. Some just more severe than others.
Life is different right now. A lot of us are working from home. Some of us lost our jobs. Some of us are getting paid to just stay home right now. No bars, clubs, gyms, restaurants, or one of my personal favorites, bowling alleys (side note- bowling alleys are the last social frontier left in society. I should do a post on them someday. If I survive this pandemic I’m definitely gonna). Some are taking this more seriously than others. But we all are being affected.
I am not high risk. POTS could affect things, but POTS never affected respiratory function for me. If I get corona, I would (with VERY high probability) recover fine. But I’m still afraid. Years and years of my anxiety have proven that no odds are good enough for me. The problem is the news (and also my mind) focus on the outliers. The people we call THE STATISTIC. I have a book on my shelf that literally is just about the statistical probability of dying certain ways. Grim, but actually a very educational book as the moral of the book is there is so many ways we might die each day, but ultimately on any given day we probably won’t. So live your life, make some calculated risks, but be smart and don’t smoke cigarettes. Basically that is all you need to know, your odds of dying from ANYTHING are just infinity times worse if you are a smoker.
All this to say the three things.
1 – This sucks. But we are in this together.
2 – Respect this virus because people ARE dying. Don’t do stupid things that put people at risk.
3 – Life will resume. So don’t lose your s#%@ (like I have been doing). Oh and also don’t smoke.
Part 2 – Fatherhood
Wow another big topic. I have a confession to make. Being a dad has been harder than I was expecting. My life has been all about being prepared and putting in hard, intentional, full energy effort into things.
Highschool sports – the more time I spent in the gym, the sweeter my jump shot got. (ok ok it was actually a set shot but I still dropped the 3 ball from anywhere inside half court). I’m going crazy at home right now. Might have to make my son start watching my old game film*
College – the more time I spent studying, the better grades I earned. Some people might think I am a genius. And I won’t argue with you. But the actual truth is I am “mediocre at best” when it comes to scholastic learning. I failed several tests. And had to learn that nights locked away in the library was the only way I was going to be able to pass classes and get that degree.
Marriage – the more time I spend working at being a better husband, the stronger by relationship with Rachel grows. This is a no brainer, but a lesson I hope I am learning fast. I won’t get into marriage advice because I only have 3 years under my belt. But I notice a difference in the teamwork Rachel and I are able to accomplish when I put intentional time and effort into our relationship.
Gus – he is a baby. Babies are not my specialty. Babies do not know how to talk. Babies do not know how to meet any of their own needs. Babies can cry for no reason (Rachel says there is no such thing as a baby crying for no reason. There has to be something wrong. He just can’t always show what it is). And cry and cry and… well you get the picture.
Gus has been the first time in my life that there are not quantifiable results correlated to the amount of effort and time I put in. This is the first time I have ever experienced “unconditional love” where someone’s actions or behaviors do not change my love for him. In all reality, Gus is a wonderful baby. He is healthy, enjoys life, and shows so much energy. It is just hard for me to not be able to see short term results from my efforts. It will takes months, years, and even decades to see the fruits of all my labors. And hopefully that fruit is Gus buying me a condo in Hawaii to pay me back for all the poopy diapers.
All jokes aside, I love being Gus’s dad. And this has been the most rewarding experience of my life. But also the most challenging 😊
Thanks for reading! Remember to contact me with any questions, comments, or ideas for blogs!
Jarod Gunning – Dude with POTS.